Things, and Stuff

From the category of, Things which should scare the absolute bejessus out of you:

I was able to walk into a bank today, with identification that did not look like me, and be able to completely change my identity, including the address at which I live, ordering new checks with numbers identical to checks I already have, and collecting a new picture to grace all my credit cards and bank cards, which will conveniently be sent to my new address.

Over the phone, since the manager-esque flunky in the bank pretty much refused to help me. Instead, he walked me over to a computer and phone to do my business, with an individual who may or may not have resided in the United States.

I am not asked to even show the identification that does not look like me to do this.

I tried to update my signature card. They kept trying to tell me that it was not necessary, and would only complicate things. I pointed out how much I really wanted to do so, and was treated with “Oh, you wacky kid, it’s not necessary.” I asked how far I would have to move to have it be “necessary” to change my primary bank from the one near the house I lived in 10 YEARS AGO, which actually was a Seafirst bank at the time.

“oh, anywhere in Washington and Idaho, we’re really all the same.”

I love my soulless bank. I love my soulless bank. I love my soulless bank.

I then went to the counter monkey (who was in fact, not from this country), presented her with a HUGE WAD OF CASH and asked for two money orders. One of these money orders will require additional funds from my checking account. I fill out my request form, and hand her my bank card (WHICH DOES NOT LOOK LIKE ME) and my temporary WA State id card (WHICH DOES).

Counter monkey says,”Oh, we really can’t take that as a valid form of ID, we need the real one. DO you have the real one?”

No, I don’t. Hence my carrying of the temporary card.

Further, she does not even look at my passport , WHICH DOES NOT LOOK LIKE ME, even when proferred as further proof that I am who I say I am. “Because you have your bank card (WHICH DOES NOT LOOK LIKE ME), we don’t need any of that.”

I love my soulless bank. I love my soulless bank. I love my soulless bank.

More in a bit.

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