Just another Day
I hate shopping. I’m far too good at it.
Because the “bargain” will catch my eye like nothing else, but at relatively the same time as the “crap.”
Silly I. I should stop listening to him, because he also says things like ” We can stop in at Half Price Books and look for that CD. The CD in question is by an group that a new friend likes, but I’ve never been particularly into. “Try new things, ” says I. “What can it hurt?”
Based on today’s sample, new things hurt about $58.61 worth. Here’s how it breaks down.
No comics today, but not for a lack of trying. The comic shop is “missing” the next volume in both collections I’ve been buying, and mysteriously is not selling the other volumes. I’ve brought this up to them before, but received the phrase “no special orders” in reply. Way to go, Service Employee. Bag my bleeping groceries, and give me my receipt.
Or not.
A brief stop into my new favorite Chai House, which has some name I can never remember. Go figure. There’s no mermaid on it, but things cost about the same as at the other stores. Free wireless though, and located next to both a bookstore and an ill-mannered comic book shop.
A leisurely walk over to Half-Price Books, which stocks all manner of diversions, including (hopefully) the CD I’d like to pick up. I’m still sucking down my 20 oz. beverage when I get there, which has the potential for all sorts of comedy.
I head over to the CD racks, where I hope to find albums by an obscure ’80s trio, who are neither siblings, nor eponymously counted. There is indeed one there, but it’s the wrong one. No problem, I grab it anyway. A bit overpriced for used, but this is how they keep the lights on, so I’m not complaining overmuch.
Then I notice the label on the shelf below.
“Clearance, $2.98 or less.”
It’s worth a look, so I place my beverage on the floor (approx 4 oz to go at this point), and begin my search for the non-triplets. While I do not find them (suspense, bah), I come across these gems:
Chumbawumba; Tubthumper (1)
Belly; Gepetto Remix (2)
Britney Spears; …baby one more time (3)
The Mighty Mighty Bosstones; So far, So good maxi-single (4)
SKA Chartbusters;(2 CD set)
ESPN presents: the X games, Volume 1; Music from the Edge.
1) I’ve had this CD stolen twice from two different trucks. I got rid of the trucks, so I should be safe this time. I think
2) I love Belly. Ever since I heard “Feed the Tree” I want to co-mingle my DNA with the owner of that voice. If I find something used, I just buy it. Same with the girl from Frente. Her rendition of the Pebbles and Bam-Bam classic, “Let the sun shine in,” brings tears of laughter to my eyes. That CD, by the way, was also stolen. Stupid truck.
3) I was speaking just last night about how I “owned” the Britney Spears catalog, without actually having any of the discs. After I stopped laughing at the irony, I had to add this to the pile. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I picky-up the remaining beverage, and suddenly discover that the lid is not placed exactly where I thought it was.
I have a little drinking problem…..
4) As fond as I am of SKA, I strangely have no Bosstones albums. I do have three copies of the Big Bad Voodoo Daddies second album, and quite a few Cherry Popping Daddies pressings (no repetitions). So even though this one has the “hit single” for me to crank, it’s got some rare sides for me to also enjoy. Yay me.
I’m a sucker for compilations. I am the target audience. I’m willing to listen to a bunch of crap, near crap, and “eh” to experience new bands and sounds. The SKA disc is actually the type where those crazy kids punk up songs by Queen, Martha Reeves, and Frank Sinatra. The ESPN one has Primus, FNM, the Peppers, and some bands I’ve never heard of.
All for the whopping good price of $2.98 each. I went through that entire pile, and saw not one difference in price. Wacky, effective marketers. We hates them, my precious.
At this time, I have consumed or adorned myself with all of my beverage, so I take the empty outside to the trashcan I know is there. On the way back in, I hold the door for a nice lady, who proceeds to ask me questions. Once again, as happens every time I shop in this store, another customer has assumed that I work here. Really, I get this almost every time I walk into a video or book store that does not use name tags. It’s probably my habit of re-arranging shelves while sitting next to a large pile of books. Or perhaps the fact that I can actually answer their questions about where things are in the store.
Unlike real HPB employees, who can do neither. The fact that this establishment refused to hire me this last summer seems a relevant one for this narrative, at this time. The Precious hates them too.
My standard MO in HPB is to gather a large stack of things, walk around with them, and add or subtract things from the pile as I browse. In a usual visit I’ll handle 20-30 items, before settling on the three or four I want to take home. So my next stop is the DVD rack, where I’m sure to find overpriced crap that I don’t want, but like to look at and smile.
And just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.
Somehow, I missed the memo when they put Benny and Joon on DVD. A movie filmed (literally) in my back yard, I would love this movie if only for the beautiful compositions of Rachel Portman, who may also be on my list of DNA donors. Aside from the presence of Johnny Depp for you ladies, this cinematic masterpiece has no foul language, heart-warming romance, family values, and a happy ending. It was filmed in the ’90s, for those taking notes. It’s now on the stack, and not likely to come off.
Then there’s one of last year’s guilty pleasures, The Rundown. Seann William Scott should be a girl, so that he can get some DNA lovin’ too. But aside from this tragic cosmic injustice, he once again shines as that goofy, likable character with a heart of gold, if not too much common sense. Shibby.
Also starring the Scorpion King, who is being positioned as the next Arnold. PG-13 for “Adventure violence and some Crude Dialogue”, but it has Christopher Walken as a classic, rich American bad guy.
Christopher. Bleeping. Walken.
And monkeys. Lest we forget.
That’s two more on the pile, and nothing yet has left. As I make the painful climb upstairs, I review my stack of plastic, and really find nothing I feel like putting back. It’s usually a DVD that I dispense with, but picking one tonight is somewhat difficult.
On to the books. I’ve been in this section so many times, I no longer need to scan the racks. I just go to the sections which should contain my favorite authors, and then zero in on their names, “browsing” new titles as I go. The second, and very thick book in the “Game of Thrones” universe is not only in the hizzouse, but oddly set apart from the other books on the shelf. After checking for traps, I put it on the pile, and slowly back away.
But wait! There, in Glorious Hardback, is the “next” volume in Modesitt’s Saga of Recluse. I assure myself that it is not available in paperback today, then grudgingly accept the $7.98 it will take to get it home.
I do know about libraries, for those that are wondering. I visit them often, and use them well. But I also read in bed, on the bus, over dinner, and in any number of locales which could cause damage or unnecessary wear on someone else’s books. If you loan me yours, I’ll take excellent care of them, and promise to replace them if damaged.
But I like you. The state has no such hold on my affections, and I probably will not take that extra step for them.
So I’ve got a pile that I’m not reducing, though I wisely stop looking for things to add. Reviewing again, I do indeed want everything in my hands. I make my way slowly to the front counter, and resist the temptation to buy Laserdiscs. Although they are cheap, and better than VHS, I really don’t know exactly when I’m going to get to these new DVDs. An LD viewing session is a more involved process, since I actually have to get off my tuckus to flip it, 50 minutes in. Ah, the ’80s.
“I can help you over here, sir” is my undoing. I can no longer deliberate, it’s time to pay the piper. He takes my money, and then ritualistically offers me a calendar I don’t want, with coupons I’ll never use for products I don’t regularly purchase. I decline once again, and on my merry way I go.
There was another stop on the way home, one of which I’m not particularly proud. That damn sign was up in the window again, but this time it reads “4 for $20.” I can’t resist. I must see what’s left, what things have now slipped below my purchase threshold.
Turns out, it’s the same crap I passed on last month, but now almost everything I picked up at “3 for $25” is on the racks. Try as I might, after 20 minutes of agonizing, only two titles are in my hand. So I put them both back, and move (regretfully) to the next circle of video hell.
“3 for $30.”
I know it is wrong. I know it is foolish. Some of these very same titles will be on the back rack next month, and I shouldn’t be overpaying for them now. But the odds of Spider-Man 2 making it to the back shelf are slim and none, and I’ll be damned if I pay anywhere close to retail for a new release if I can help it.
Here, I am more successful in narrowing the field, and the 6 discs I pick up are whittled to 3. I’m good to go.
But I have a close call. On the “new” shelf, right next to one another, are two films by Luc Besson. I own both of these films. I’ve already purchased multiple copies of these films, one of which I’ve picked up 4 times already (VHS, LD, bad DVD, good DVD) . And indeed, in my media center, these two films are racked side by side.
But these are new, all new, with special features and never before seen footage! Only $19.99 each. What a bargain.
I put one back right away (much better, thank you Aziz), but not before memorizing a few key facts for comparison. And I am rewarded for my diligence. The “new” version of the film is exactly the same length as the one on my shelf. I’d be paying the 20 bucks for the second disc of features, something I might just have to rent, and then “memorize”
Further, the movie disc has NO DIRECTOR’S COMMENTARY. Instead, it has “an interesting though barely legible subtitled trivia track (text only so it doesn’t take much disc space)”
I’ve ranted on this very topic before, so there is no real reason for me to do so again. But damnit, pull your head out, Hollywood. I get the point about Superbit. I really do. But I like the commentary.
And I’ll be buying this release sooner or later. I’d just rather pay $10 for it.
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Now playing: The Smashing Pumpkins – Drown
via FoxyTunes