Chapter the Third: Retrospecting the Future

In which our hero experiences a day in reverse, for purposes of the narrative

12:20 AM Bhagwan begins to type on the internets.

12:13 AM I am proven right

12:00 AM I observe the U-District protocols, in which if it will be more than 15 minutes until your bus arrives, you are better off walking.

11:58 PM In clear defiance of the posted store hours, I am informed that I cannot receive service at the Trabant Chai house, because “we’re closed”

11:25 PM It turns out, the middle part of Hot Fuzz is pretty boring, and I nap for a spell. I awake from my reverie in time for the final act, and it is still FRIKKIN AWESOME

9:52 PM I decide that I do indeed want to see a movie tonight, and stop in at the Varsity to see Hot Fuzz. I have tickets left in my book, and use one to the scorn and derision of the pierced counter monkey. Whatever. No, I do not want fries with that.

9:45 PM M’s lose. The preceding hours have been spent in drunken company, with the moron to my right spouting such phrases as:

I AM SO JAZZ

I AM FUCKING BONSAI

PHYSICS!

NOBODY UNDERSTAND PHYSICS, MAN!

DUDE, I CAN HIT ALL OF THOSE PITCHES. I CHOOSE TO MAKE MY LIFE WITH MY BRAIN

ARAAAGHAAARAGH

DUDE

DUUUUUUDE

PHYSICS!

8:01 PM I decide that my need for another beverage is equal to my need for a restroom. Finn MacCool’s on the Ave has both

7:30 PM I call around my Ballard homies, searching to celebrate good times. C’mon!

7:00 PM I view a fantastic space in Ballard/Crown Hill, and spend some time with the nice lady, explaining why she will indeed be renting to me, and not those other people. She is convinced, but put off somewhat by my candor, and says she needs some time to process. Says we will talk tomorrow, but I also assure her that I am “the one.” I put into motion a cunning plan. I expect to move in next Saturday. Clear your calendars.

6:00 PM. I explore the area around 85th and 15th. Both groceries, a Walgreens, three bars, a pizza place, a morrocan place, a mexican place, and amazing access to busses. Also, a kickin house well within my price range. I have high hopes for the interview to come. I take several times with the nice lady during her commute, and also have a good meal at “Goofy’s,” while watching the Sabres and Senators play.

4:30 PM. I leave work, exploring my hypothetical commute to a cool apartment in Ballard. There are a couple bumps in the road, but it goes pretty well.

12: 30 PM I get my hair cut, in an attempt to not freak out coeds and potential landlords. I put into place a cunning plan to secure a kickin space in the U-district, after a less than perfect initial encounter.

12:15 PM Mmmm, smoothie.

8:30 AM I get to work. I don’t want to talk about it, and I don’t really plan to. suffice to say, it is not the best day ever. Should I make it through the pressure of this week, I shall be hard as a frikkin diamond.

7:45 AM. I hit the sweet spot of the commute, and travel into the office right on schedule.

7:20 AM. Mmmm, Delicious Egg Omelette

6:58 AM Woke up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head.

Thus began our legend.