Drained

The bed, that is.

Things to remember when attempting to drain a waterbed.

1) this will take you a long time. Don’t make any #@%$@ plans.

2) Just rent the damn pump.

3) if you are tempted to buy a pump, refer to #’s 1 and 2.

4) if you elect to use the “old-fashioned”, non electric method of draining your waterbed, please refer to #’s 1 and 2 above.

5) if you borrow the landlord’s hose to assist in draining your waterbed, make sure it does not have a water saving, one way valve on the important end.

6) make extra sure you refer to #5 above when using an electric pump (hopefully after referring to #’s 1 and 2, and before wasting a few hundred gallons of water in a vain attempt to induce negative pressure).

Having drained your water bed mattress, you will notice that the bastard is still @$% heavy. This is becuase it never really drains fully, since water has the property of Making Things Wet. so, even thoug it’s as draiuned as drained can be, it’s probably got 10 or so gallons of water spread around inside the baffling.

On the subject of Baffling.

Never, ever, EVER drag, fold, or otherwise manhandle a partially drained matteress. your desire to do so indicates your willingness to purchase either a new mattress, or a new bed. Also, do not allow someone other than yourself to drain your mattress, especially if you live severl hundred miles away.

Having succesfully emptied, and safely handled my mattress (lifetime warrantly for the WIN), I resolved to be SMART about the transport of the mattress. The last time I moved it, it had been “dry” for well over a year, making it considerably lighter than a freshly drained one. But this time, Ihad a cyunning plan.

Set the wayback machine for 1996. Oddly enough, this is the year I accquired the waterbed in the first place. Also that summer, I picked up some Used “Heavy” armor, thinking that I’d get back into fighting as excercise. at the time, I was still an XL, and running about 240, and it seemed like a good idea at the time.

The armor came with two duty bags, one of which was the deep, valise style, and the other was the over the shoulder duffel. While I have made excellent use of the valise as luggage in the last 11 years (including being my normal laundry basket for a number of years), the lduffel remained more or less untouched, holding the armor safe and protected fromt eh ravages of…dust.

There’s some pretty damn fine armor in there, if I do say so myself. IN fact, I just put it all on to make sure it’s still viable, and the shiny parts are still shiny, the leather is still boiled and protective, andthe breastplate now fits perfectly, thanks to last year’s deceleration.

But I digress. I rightly reasoned that I could use the duty back to carry the mattress to the new place, and it would not shift and slip during the transit. But little did I know that the valise was just a few inches too small. But since I’m soo freaking smart today (see #2 above. Pay no attention to #5), I realize that teh duffel is the perfect dimention.

And it fit. just like the armor in fact. I’ve resolved to pack for the next hour wearing the armor, since it fits so well.

But I won’t use the helmet or sheild. That would just be weird.

%d bloggers like this: