Job Search 04

I read a lot, and today I realized that the books and genres I like the most seem to deal with people who search for purpose in their life, finding hidden strengths and gaining wisdom in the process. These sorts of things are empowering, and like daily horoscopes, meant to appeal to a wide range of people.

But what if it’s more than that? What am I supposed to be doing with my life? I wish I knew. While I’m a capable and effective person, I really don’t feel a lot of satisfaction with the things I’ve been doing for the last ten years.

I want to do and accomplish things. I just don’t know what those things are, or should be. I’d like to help people, but first I need to help myself. And that’s a little bit harder than it seems it should be.

I once had a period of absolute contentment. No worries, no fears, no real problems that I couldn’t solve with desire and effort. I left it behind to do things I felt I should do to succed in society, but through the lens of history, I think I made the wrong choice.

Not that I was a Lotus eater. Far from it. But the world seemed smaller and more comfortable then. Now it seems huge, and my place in it is both undefined (for me), and hard to locate. And sometimes it feels that every day I don’t know it, it moves farther away from me.

There’s a downer for you. Maybe not having a job and the attendant depression of uselessness is the problem. But I just wish I knew what I was supposed to do. If only the PSAT and the tests like it “they” had us take in High school really worked.

Or if we lived in some Fantasy world where secret masters could judge our potential and steer us towards our place in life.

But we don’t. Back to the search for me. But if you are a secret master, and you have a little guidance to share, look me up.

I’m not doing anything right now. And I’d love to save the princess.