DCEU Commentary Rewatch: Dead on Arrival

Dead and buried during the planning stage, for reasons soon to be revealed. In this post, I break down my initial impressions from 2021. As of last year there have been 8 more films in the DCEU, none of which bear repeated watching other than 2023’s BLUE BEETLE.

Thankfully, this Cinematic Universe has been taken out back and SHOT IN THE HEAD. But you can read all about it online.

https://dcextendeduniverse.fandom.com/wiki/DC_Extended_Universe#Films

What I will say up front is that AQUAMAN AND THE LOST KINGDOM was so incredibly AWFUL that I stopped watching it (streamed on HBO) 20 minutes in two years ago, and still do not own a copy. And I own blu-rays of the Halle Berry CATWOMAN, a singing zombie baseball movie, and a low-budget hackjob of PRINCESS OF MARS starring an underwear model and a former porn star.

Don’t watch Aquaman 2. It’s awful. It’s TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON bad. A movie which I do in fact own but haven’t watched any of since I walked out of the theater during the opening credits.

YMMV, of course.

TL:DR; there aren’t any official commentary tracks on the discs pictured above, and only one has something you can watch along with the movie.

So here’s the deal. Zack Snyder makes me want to douse my head in lye, and I’m not likely to change that opinion. I think his “vision” of the DC universe is the worst possible timeline, and his active hatred of superheroes should insure he never works in the genre again, but there are enough dudebro fanboys on the internet to give him chance after chance to prove me wrong.

Or is it…right?

Two days from now, I’m loading up with snacks, bourbon, and a trusted friend to drink my way through the 4 hour GRIMFEST that will be the Snyder cut of JUSTICE LEAGUE.

I meant to start this rewatch yesterday, but got distracted by life. Today was also full of distraction, but at least I had a plan of sorts.

And as it turns out, it’s okay to have had a half-assed plan, because Warner Brothers absolutely half-assed the production on its home video releases, leaving me no option but to scour the internet for something listenable.

So in the comments below, here are “our” movies, and the attendant commentary tracks, should one be available.

As you can probably surmise, there’s not a lot of joy waiting in there, and a shit-ton of Dead Parents ™.

YMMV, of course. And while I may decide to do a critical rewatch someday, the minute a review threads descends into Snyderism, I’m shutting it down.

MAN OF STEEL (2013) – Zack Snyder, sort of. There’s minor special features on the disc itself, but Audible.com published a watchthrough with Snyder for free online.

BATMAN v SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE (2016) – Zack Snyder, sort of. Again, no commentary on the disc, but what’s worse is that the “ultimate edition ” has no special features at all.

So it’s another online watch party, with a seemingly intoxicated Snyder fumbling his way through a watch party in early 2020. 

UICIDE SQUAD (2016) – not only is there no commentary for this movie on the disc, but nobody “official” has really weighed in on ot. Which is fine by me, because it’s posisbly the worst movie of the lot.

However, trying to find anything to listen to brought a very interesting website to my attention, suicidesquadcast.com. Not only do they break down a lot of DC movie news, but they do their own commentary tracks for Man of Steel and BVS that are worth a listen.

Further online commentary

‘Suicide Squad’ Is Not Really a Movie (Commentary)

WONDER WOMAN (2017) – no commentary.

NONE.

Possibly the most important non-BLACK PANTHER superhero movie ever, and not a minute of official insight not wrapped up in a commercial soundbite special feature.

I am crushed.

Further online commentary

The Geek List: 5 lessons I learned from the ‘Wonder Woman’ Blu-ray

JUSTICE LEAGUE (2017) – Good news, everyone. There is no Joss Whedon commentary track for this movie.

Also, no commentary track whatsoever. But the guys over at suicidesquadcast did one worth listening to, so I’ve included it below.

https://www.suicidesquadcast.com/dcsquadcast

Also for free, audibleDOTcom did a track available on the internets. Fair warning, it’s NSFW, and the first 10 minutes not only include a commercial, but the hosts complaining about culture in Montgomery AL, Atlanta GA.

AQUAMAN (2018) – Let’s see here. Nothin, divided by nothin’ carry the nothin…

NOTHING.

Why Aquaman’s DVD Won’t Have A Commentary Track, According To James Wan

SHAZAM! (2019) – Say my name–yeah, nothing.

BIRDS OF PREY (AND THE FANTABULOUS EMANCIPATION OF ONE HARLEY QUINN (2020)

Wait, what’s this? an interactive feature that lasts the entire film?

Could this be a commentary track?

Nope. But the “Bird’s Eye View is as close as we’re going to get to anything worth reviewing, and is packed full of candid interviews and text references to DC comics.

It’s a clear winner. #1 of 8.